Wednesday, 29 April 2009

Hell 'aint a bad place to be.

What do you do when the past comes back and bites you in the arse?
Things you had tucked away or were thought lost come back and you have no one you can talk to, who will understand. You have to sit back and let it roll over you, absorb the impact then take a step back and evaluate what has happened. Tonight a load of lost memories returned for me, not forgotten things, but memories that I thought were lost forever after an accident. These memories have unleashed a flood of emotions I am having trouble dealing with, memories that have not seen the light of day for over 20 years, memories that I thought were lost, things I never expected to remember are now banging away in the front of my brain. Not all are real, and thereby hangs a tale, some are memories are confused with other forgotten memories, to the point I no longer am sure which are real and which are either imagined or composite, by that I mean mixed up memories that may be a combination of past events.

Trying to sort them out on my own is a nightmare, really odd moments are popping into my head, moments of love, moments of violence, moments of hate, moments of guilt. It will take time to sort out all this new information that has invaded my head, it will take time to heal the feelings that now plague me. But do I want to heal? Do I want to lose them again? They were all part of an earlier episode of life, a life so long ago that even people with good memories would baulk at recalling them, yet right now to me they are fresh, some feel like they only happened yesterday, this is what is causing my confusion.

At the moment my head hurts with all this new info, I am glad its back, loads of new memories have suddenly filled in some big gaps in my life, the past is the past, I cant go back so I will not regret anything, I will use this info to look forward.

Once I have sorted it all out and come to terms with it.


Tuesday, 28 April 2009

Gurkha justice

The way the Gurkha's are being treated in this country is so wrong. I have heard so many stories about their bravery, until just after his death I had never realised that my father served in Burma, he never spoke of it, but he always had something to say whenever Gurkha's were mentioned. He spoke of their bravery and selflessness, told tales of their prowess, I had always assumed that these stories were passed on from someone else, now I know different.
The Gurkha's have been a loyal people to the United Kingdom, I will leave it to you to look up their history, which is glorious, their regiment has been sent into every conflict that involved our country. Never faltering, never questioning but often dying.
They need our support, for some obscure reason our government sees no reason to let them settle here as proud British citizens, I can think of hundreds. This treatment of them is a disgrace, public feeling is so high on this subject yet the government cant seem to see why.
Put pressure on your MP to correct this miscarriage of justice.
Sign up to the campaign here Gurkha justice
and also find and contact your MP on here They work for you
and let him know how you feel about this.
The government should be listening to us, not ignoring us.
I shall be at Westminster to protest at some point today, if you are near then pop down to Old Palace Yard, Westminster at noon.

Friday, 24 April 2009

Off for a few days.

I shall be on my way to Santa pod for a few days, to watch nutters throw the old VW campers and bugs up the strip, it is gonna be awesome!!!

Laters dudes!


Move forward, dont look back.

If time travel was possible, would you go back and change anything?
Recently I have had reason to think about this, and my answer is no, the past makes us what we are now, if we changed something then we would be different and would you really be any different to what you are now? Think about your answer carefully, you would not have your kids, your friends, your job. Small changes can be make bigger ones down the line, this is known as 'the butterfly effect' in Chaos circles.
All of our life we are ruled by the past, what we learnt at school, the mistakes in our teens, how we grew up, the morals we acquired from our parents and peers. Morals and attitudes do change as we grow and learn, we take different paths as we learn more about life and base our decisions on how we compare the present to the past.
Friends reunited has a lot to answer for, apparently is has caused more marridge breakdowns recently than any other cause, I met Ruth (my partner) through FR she tracked me down more to see what I was up to these days, I have now lived with her for 5 years. I also know two families that have been completely wrecked by friends reunited as well, in one the husband contacted his first girlfriend from school and within a week they had embarked on an affair, he says it made him feel young again, but how long did it last? 6 months, they are not the same people as they were 25 years ago, the initial rush of lust died down and they came to realise that their lives had changed long ago, the are now both living alone, their families are not going to forgive them in a hurry. Yet at the time they were so sure it was the right thing to do.

Humans are creatures of emotion, little chemicals changes can make massive differences to the way we react to situations, adrenaline is a good case to cite, it is what gives us our 'fight or flight' reaction to danger, the problem is, especially if you have lived a bit of a humdrum life, the bloke cited above worked in a office for most of his life and to be honest was very boring (I hope he does not read this..), suddenly getting some exciement can get the old adrenaline flowing and adrenaline is highly addictive, well I believe it is, I may have to check that .
There are other emotions as well, things that can well up from the past and haunt us, or in my case make my life more complete and interesting, as in the case of my daughter, who I had not seen for 28 years. Wishing that you could go back and change things will just make you bitter, you can not go back and change anything, so it is better to look forward and work on making your life and the lives of people around you that much better, why look back when you can move forward.


Wednesday, 22 April 2009

Memory, dont take it for granted.

Some years ago I was classed as insane, or as good as, I had had an accident which bruised the front of my brain and scrambled loads of memory. It took a long time for some of those memories to reappear, just recently I have had a flood of confused memories triggered, they are so jumbled up I do not know what is real and what is either fantasy or a combination of memories that have got mixed up. I still have virutally no recollection of most of my childhood, when people say things like "I remember it like it was yesterday" I cant even imagine how they see such a clear vision. To me anything before 1988 is wrapped in guaze, my memories are like looking through a swirling fog, now and then you get a fleeting glimpse of something, sometimes it triggers a better memory, mostly it just leaves me with a feeling of being completely lost. A good exapmle of this is when riding my bike, if I pick my route before I leave and just automatically follow the route, then just concentrate on riding, I get there with no problem, but sometimes, not always, if I have to change the route, because of roadwrks or an accident or maybe just stopping at lights and getting distracted, I can get very confused. It does not happen often, it happened this morning, riding up to Alexandra Palace I stopped at some lights and when they changed I had no idea where I was or where I was going. I had to pull over and just think about for a minute, I was completely disoriented and that can be quite scary. It normally sorts itself out very quickly
though and I'm back to normal (of course with me 'normal' is a very relative term)

When I was still under the doctor, he recommended I get loads of photos from my past to help bolster the memory system, turns out there are very few pictures of me in the early days, not really sure why, I did knock about with a crowd who didnt like having their pictures taken though.
Two or three years ago I met a bloke from my past, apparently we were good mates for about 6 years, I sat with him and chatted and it was like talking to a stranger, I still have no memory of him and have never gone back to see him.

So treasure your memories, you wont miss them until they are not there.


Saturday, 18 April 2009

Do you believe in god?

Why? Could you explain this to me because I see no reason for believing in something I cant see touch or hear.
The whole concept of god is just too weird for me to accept, I'm told you have to have faith, but why should I? Why should I take on faith something that plainly does not exist?
In a court of law we have to have proof before we can accept any sort of evidence at all, so why is god exempt from this? I have never seen any proof of his existence, yet I am asked to just accept that he does exist.

My girlfriend believes, she is Catholic, and come to think of it most of my girlfriends over the years have been Catholic. Dont ask me how that happened, perhaps deep down I want to believe, perhaps I need to hang on via someone elses belief? Nah!

Lets just take a look at what we have to prove his existence, exhibit one, the Bible, a book that has been rewritten a few times whenever it didnt quite say what some people wanted.

Er... thats it .... I cant think of anything else that could be used as evidence in a court of law. I'm sure I will get a few emails from people that will beg to differ, but none will be able to offer me any tangible evidence other than to say "you must have faith!". Well give me a reason for having faith!
You can not just say to me, have faith, it makes no sense to me.

Perhaps I have missed something, the only time my father disappointed me was a few weeks before he died, he suddenly discovered god after a lifetime of being an agnostic. He could not explain to me why he suddenly found god, I know why though, humans can not envisage their own death, they need to believe they will go forever, this is why almost all religions have a belief in an afterlife or reincarnation. Myself? I accepted a long time ago the fact that when I die that is it, finito, the end, nothing more. This may seem quite bizarre to some, but it suits me, I suppose I could become a catholic, then I could go out and commit the most heinous of crimes, then confess all on my deathbed and join the rest of the Mafia in heaven. What bollox!
Karma? I know some right nasty people that have done well over the years, karma does not affect them!

And what if I'm wrong, well hopefully if heaven and hell exists I'll go to hell, if I dont end up ruling it, I have this plan to make a fortune selling ice creams....


Thursday, 16 April 2009

Have you ever danced with the devil by the pale moon light?

Or do you always take the safe option?
Risk. That taste of copper in your mouth as the adrenaline hits.
Maybe you took that corner a lot faster than normal, or maybe just threw all your wages on red 6. (I dont know if roulette actually has a red 6), stood up to the geezer giving it large in the pub,or maybe just told your mother-in-law to "Shut it for once!"

Most people are quite happy to get their kicks from films, I believe this is why horror films are trying to get more shocking, more gruesome.
Because we now live in a society that mollycoddles (look it up) us, we need more and more shocks in our safe little homes. Saw is a good example, the films got more and more gory because they thought the punters wanted more gore, yet the people I know who watched the first said that was clever, the rest were just gorefests, of course I must admit I have never seen it, Friday the 13th or Halloween, so I have to go on what others tell me. The concept just does not appeal to me, is that because I get my kicks on a 170mph motorcycle? or is there another reason? I quite like some of the zombie films, Dawn of the dead and a few other, but horror films dont really do it for me.
Could the reason be that I dont believe in ghosts or monsters? Do those of us that do like them, belive in monsters and ghosts? Some amongst us dont need horror films to supply that fear.

As our world gets safer and safer, or so they would have us believe, do we need to get our shocks by proxy? Yet, there is more than enough terror in real life to horrify us, we dont want to know about that though, the atrocities carried out in certain african countries, for example, when red nose day comes around, how many of you actually watch the films from countries that have suffered so badly?
How many of us just give our credit card number over without really thinking about what causes it is going to? Do we even care a week later when its over? do we even notice the amount on our credit card bills?

There are people who live in fear out there, some are probably not 100 yards from you right now, terror is not just some thing people in countries far away experience. The wife being beaten in silence, the school boy who makes himself ill so he wont have to face the bullying, the young girl terrorfied her stepdad will come home drunk or drugged up.
They have to face their adrenaline levels rising everyday, they live in horror and fear most of the day.
Other people just watch it on a screen and then can turn it off.
They cant, from the african children who have their limbs chopped off, to the terrified child left on their own, we cant even imagine their fear, we dont even really think about them.
But we dont want real horror, we want to be able to turn it on and off when we have had enough.

I'm not really sure what the point of this blog is, something must have triggered this today, its been preying on my mind all day but somehow I cant quiite explain what I mean, maybe it will become clearer tomorrow.


A few thoughts on revolution

I am getting loads of requests to sign various petitions on the good old internet, there seems to be a new generation of armchair protesters that cant be arsed to get out on the streets, they are content to protest from the 'safety' of their own homes.
This unfortunately has several consequences.
1. Petitions are the lazy way to protest, it makes people feel like they doing something/having their say without actually doing anything at all.
2. The real malcontents get more and more frustrated by the watering down of the effect of these petitions (Please protest against the ants on my lawn, sign up here...)and have to find 'other' ways to get their point across.
3. In the old days these issues were discussed in person in pubs with people who you knew, outsiders found it hard to infiltrate, now its all done on the internet, know one really knows anyone else, most seem to be keyboard warriors.

Signing petitions does no good, especially those ones on the government site that request you to put in a legit email address and name... no one monitoring that then. ("Oh look another one for the list...")

Do those calling for 'revolution' or radical change, really understand what they are calling for?

You cant bring down the government without severe disruption, most people do not want radical change, most want to pay less tax to carry on buying stuff they dont need, things that are now thought of as essentials.
Very few of us are actually unhappy with the way we live, most are really comfortable compared to others around the world. Sometimes we forget this.
Our freedoms being eroded is entirely our own fault, I did my bit to fight years ago and last year had, what I suspect was my last one, another go to get my voice heard.

Radical change will cause much chaos and hardship, do you really think the man in the street wants that? He wants his cake and to eat it as well, getting people to understand that if they do want real changes to be made, things will get a lot worse before they get better, but they dont want that sort of medicine, they want a magic bullet, one that gives them what they want without disturbing their nice little lives.

Do you think that the average joe who is halfway through his mortage wants to risk losing his house for the sake of 'your' freedoms'?

Most do not want freedom, they want MTV, flash cars and the latest music system, good luck with your revolution.

Wednesday, 8 April 2009


Do you believe in Karma? That there has to be 'balance'?
It is fairly self evident that there is no such thing, we look for little things that indicate that there may be 'balance' or Karma in this world, we do a good deed and something nice happens, but are we looking for that something nice because we feel we have earned it? When bad things happen we look at the culprit and wish 'Karma' upon them, but it is just wishful thinking.

How often do we hear of someone getting their just desserts? Not that often, we want it to happen because deep down we want revenge, pure and simple, wishing Karma existed is really just another way of wishing for retribution upon a, in our eyes, wrongdoer.
We like Karma when its good, we want to believe that if we help someone we will be rewarded in some small way, but this rarely happens, the best bit is feeling good about yourself when you do the good deed, why should a 'reward' be necessary?

Doing a good deed should be reward enough, wanting Karma for it is selfish, but how many times can you say you have done something good and not expected a bit of karma back? Or even more.

There is no balance, things happen and then other things happen, there is no rhyme or reason for it, other than cause and effect. Some families have loads of bad luck, some have good luck, most just cruise along in an average way, the good and the bad are purely ends of a spectrum that must exist to show the mean.

If there was such a thing as Karma, I think someone would have proved the concept and bottled it by now.


Tuesday, 7 April 2009

It was long ago and far away...

Repairing broken objects seems to take up a fair bit of my time, we have a 'K' reg Nissan 1600 that we bought as temporary car 3 years for £300, it is still going and just passed its 4th MOT snce we have had it. We recently took some rubbish down to the dump and could not believe some of the things people had just thrown away, do we really have that much disposable income that we can throw away a washing machine with a spilt door seal (£9 and 20 minutes to fit) can we no longer use tools? Last week I repaired a digital watch for a bloke at work, he was going to bin it and I asked if I could take a look, it had a corroded terminal, a quick scrape with a nail file and it works perfectly again.
We seem to have lost the art of repairing anything at all, just think of the money saved if we repaired instead of buyin a new one everytime, and it would also help the enviroment.

The lost art of repair would be a good one to find, it would reduce the amount of waste and could help a few new business's get started, we seem to be sadly lacking in what I call break/fix engineers, most have only been taught to replace parts. In a world where even a simple car breakdown can cost you loads in time and money, remember when we used to bodge sets of points to get the sparks working again? Once we araldited (a type of glue) a ten pence piece into a holed piston to get an RD250 home, there were lots of things we could do to get home in the event of a breakdown. Now with the complexity of todays vehicles you just have to sit and wait for the RAC, the interesting thing is that even though the engines have become more complex, they do not seem to have increased the perfomance or fuel econmy by much. For example my 1976 Honda 750 F1, top speed of 120 (you could make it go a lot faster but no point), 45mpg if you used it in town, 60-65 mpg on a motorway run. The modern equililant would be the CBF600N which does 125 miles per hour and 55mpg overall. What price 30 years of progress?

The 750 was SOHC and could be fixed at the side of the road in the event of most breakdowns, the regulator was mechanical as were the points, the carbs uncomplicated and when it bent a valve (I missed a gear), I removed the tappet adjuster and used a jubilee clip to hold up the valve to stop it from dropping into the cylinder, removed the plug (and ground out the HT lead) then drove it home on 3 cylinders.
If anything goes wrong with the modern CBF600N then its a phone call to the AA. We regularly rebuilt topends, replaced and reground valves, changed pistons and rings even bigends without so much as a torque wrench. The only job I really hated doing was changing steering head bearings and still hate it now. But then again it can be cheaper to buy another secondhand bike than repair it these days, so when does repair become a viable option?
There are very few people these days who can do a roadside repair, there are even less willing to have a go at repairing just about anything, perhaps we need to teach youngsters that engineering is cool, then they may not throw away so much perfectly good, if you fix it, stuff.


Monday, 6 April 2009

Tell them now.

Back in the late 70's there was a group of us on motorbikes, the group changed, people came and went, in the beginning though their were 40 of us, all around the same age. Today I heard that one of the original group died from a heart attack in his local pub. That means there are now only 5 of us left, I have no idea about 3 of them, Tony, who informed me of the death of Ray, has had no reply from the email address'es of the other 3. We have to assume that they are still alive though.

Tony and myself and in our early 50's now, this does not bode well for our odds, we did live hard early lives though, 1 of our number was shot dead over a drug deal in Columbia, two were stabbed etc, but strangely only a few died from motorcycle accidents, most died from heroin.

I was very lucky not to end up as an addict, it could so easily gone the other way for me, hearing about the guys go one by one over the years, it does not really sink in, but after my heart scare in January (false alarm) the reality of my advancing years is sinking in. For a long time now I have accepted that one day I shall no longer exist, not believing in a god or an afterlife means that when I die, thats it. Nothing. Having accepted that there is no afterlife for me has made me want to make the most of my life on earth, I treat most people as I would like to be treated and try to enjoy as much of life as I can, there are still places I would like to see, people to meet and new experiences to ..... experience.
My life has been a roller coast ride, there have been some scary downs and some very spectacular highs, I have never regretted anything I have done, you cant go back and you cant catch up, look at your own life, have you done anything to be really proud of? I hope so, most people waste their lives in the pursuit of what they believe will bring happiness, I no longer need to find that elusive piece of nonsense, realising that just to be content is enough.

Let me once more see a spectacular sunset, feel the road as I corner on my bike at high speed, enjoy the camaraderie of good friends, the love of a good woman, the taste of a fine wine. These may be small pleasures to you, but they make my life what it is, tell the people you love that you do love them, tell your friends that you are proud to know them, do it now, while you can, for tomorrow may not be for you.


Thursday, 2 April 2009

Dont leave it until its too late

Looking through the Youtube videos of yesterdays protest (1st April 2009) and reading the comments thereon I noticed that a lot of comments were from foreigners, mostly urging people to 'smash' the police, destroy the government etc... yawn.
Lots of rhetoric and little substance, most have no idea what they are talking about when they say smash the system, lets take a scenario, enough people gather together and smash the banks up, force the government out and take over, what then?

Have they thought this through at all? Complete chaos would reign if they actually managed to bring down the system, but that is not what they really want is it, what they really want is not clear at all. Oh I'm sure some of them have the good of the people at heart, but most are in it to just have a go at any one who represents authority, talking to the real protesters, they are there because they are frustrated that no one is listening to them, they feel ignored and that government is now so remote from them that this is the only way for them to be heard.
Then the rioters kick off and it is all for nothing, if you could guarantee a peaceful protest against the government, I am willing to bet you would get many thousands more turn up, people are scared to go on protests because they are fearful of the violence that inevitably happens, there are lots of unhappy people around that feel the government just ignores their voices.

There is a solution, I keep going on about it but it is a viable one, get out there and vote!
If all the people that were unhappy with the status quo, got together, supported and put forward a candidate that they felt would be better at the job than the current incumbents, I'm sure they could make a big difference, we need to get people into power that are accountable to the people, not that just think "Nice cushy job, lets see what I can get out of it".
That is how I feel most politicians now see the world of politics, just another job and it is not just another job, it should be a vocation, you should be there following the wishes of the people, instead of lining your own pockets. The people only see the failure of this government to help them, they do not see any party as better than the others, they are all now seen as having virtually the same policies anyway.
We need change, we need to look harder at the people we elect to govern us, as more and more people grow unhappy at the way we are governed, the more we need to look at making a change for the better, each successive government is just patching over the mistakes of the other, if we do not force a change whereby we stop the patching and actually fix what is wrong, eventually the whole system will collapse and take us with it.

All the protesters will achieve is to alienate themselves from the people they are supposed to be 'fighting' for. Lets get out there now, not a few weeks before the elections, but now, get moving and motivated now! As usual I suspect the British public will not get out there and do anything until its too late and then complain even harder, its your country, its supposed to be your government, take it back while you have the chance. Dont leave it until its too late.


Wednesday, 1 April 2009

Oops I'll pay that one back...sorry....

How many politicians are panicking over the imminent release of the list of their expenses? Why should they get away with not having their expenses scrutinised by the people who gave them their cushy little jobs?
Do they now believe they are better than us? Perhaps one of us should have the job of going through their expenses, I bet they would be correct then, but then I dont believe they should get 'expenses' its just another 'perk of the job' along with loads of others that makes life a hell of a lot easier for them, than for us.
We have to live in the real world, do they actually understand that?


No to bike parking fees (tax)

Last night I attended a demo against the motorbike parkings fees that Westminster council have imposed on the motorbike parking bays, 4500 bikers turned up and hardly a mention on the news, in fact they reported 'hundreds' the fact that there was no trouble did not make it news worthy apparently (from a source of mine who works for ITN).
Counncilor Chalkey has made it quite clear that he will not drop this 'experimental' charge, I would have thought there were 4500 reasons to do just that last night.
How out of touch is this man to ignore the wishes of the public, there was a vast array of people from all walks of life there last night, including a few celebs who wanted to stay low key but turned to show their support, I was also very surprised and pleased by the number of women riders who turned up, women are becoming a large force in the biking world these days.

Around 50 bikers where allowed in to present their case, unfortunately I could not get in to hear the procedings, the reasons given by the council have been covered very well on by the guys so I will not reiterate them here.

This post is just to point out that 4500 bikers bought London to a stand still and there was no trouble whatsoever, they came out to protest against a 'tax' they they feel is unfair, the council will rake in 1 million pounds a year from this, I wonder what their real incentive is, it certainly is not to reduce pollution, bikes do not create much, reduce traffic maybe? Bikes take up far less room and help the trafic to flow better. The excuses for this tax make no sense, the only outcome from this is more money for the council, so it is in fact a tax.

I would also like to thank everyone who turned out last night, excellent show everyone!