Thursday, 2 September 2010

My Adoption update (Long but worth reading)

Just when you think "I'm intelligent enough to work out what has gone on, I could be Sherlock Homles!" You find out you are completely wrong, doh! Finally got the papers relating to my adoption, it was taking a long time to get them through, now I know why.
There is a stack of paper 3 inches high, it relates to nearly four years of me being unsettled and moved between my BM, a couple of children's homes and my adoptive parents.
From what little info I had, plus some help from a few people, I thought I had worked out the details of 'who' but not quite 'why', it turns out I was wrong, my father was not who all the evidence pointed to, my four siblings are only half siblings again and I have acquired another (and possibly one other) half brother.

The social worker who is helping me with this said; It was the most complicated case from that era (1955 - 1959) that they had ever seen. (It bloody had to be mine, didn't it...!) obviously I shall not name names, but a quick synopsis goes, BM (Birth mother) from broken family, Father had head injury in the war and has become a drunk and is unable to work, mother is of an 'erratic and nervous disposition' Her grandmother died in a mental hospital.
She ended up living with an Aunt in Brighton and 'got into mischief' with a gang who caused some criminal damage to the seafront. She later ended up spending some time in a mental hospital in Bradford somewhere around her mid to late teens, we feel this was because of teenage depression, but have no evidence as to the cause. I have not found any proper records relating to this yet.
Two years before I was born (aged 18) she was living in Folkstone, and 'frequenting the barracks and making undesirable friendships', during this time she met her future husband, CQ, a solider, who suggested marriage, CQ was sent abroad in early 1954, when this happened she carried on with her 'bad associations'.

During March to June she 'became friendly' with a married man, GP, this is who she stated was my father, she left Folkstone to move to Ashford to get away from this man! No idea why at present.

In October 1954, BM went to St Faiths, Brasted, Kent, I was born there in Feb 1955 , in March 1955 she married CQ and both felt that it would be better to put me up for adoption.
In April 1955 CQ returned to Germany and a couple of weeks later I was placed in Beckenham nursery in Kent (Being boarded out with view to adoption).
June 1955 I was placed with the foster parents who would eventually become my adoptive parents. Mr & Mrs W.

July 1955 BM returns to the Beckenham nursery and becomes upset to find I had been placed with foster carers.
August/September 1955 Social services are becoming concerned that BM may want me back, due to her history and the fact that I appear to have settled in well with foster carers, this is giving them cause for concern.
September 1955 BM rejects adoption and states she wants me returned. Legally at the time she had every right to me.
October 1955 adoption society receives letter from BM asking for me back.
October 1955 Letter from Church of England society stating BM has visited them and states that she definitely wants me back. She is now living with a Mrs L in Andover and has not heard from her husband since he lost his stripe (rank) in June.

Late October 1955 letter written to FP's (foster parents) to inform them of BM's wishes, they are understandably upset, requests that I should be sent back to the Beckenham nursery are rejected by FP's, they state they would rather hold on to me as long as possible.

Nothing heard from BM, letter is sent in June 1956 to the SSAFA (Soldiers, Sailors and Air force Association) attempting to track down Mr &/or Mrs CQ.
July 1956 Son born to birth mother, father Mr L, son of Mrs L whom she is staying with in Andover.

August 1956 letter sent to BM asking if she will agree to me being adopted.
August 1956 Letter received from Mr L stating he is my father???? (This was later found to be complete rubbish) and that they have no intention of letting me be adopted and want me returned to their care.

Between September and October of 1956 there is no response to any letters sent to BM.
Attempts are made to try and find her.
29th of October BM appears and states she will not agree to adoption.
November 1956 BM leaves Mr L, their son is left in his care.
November 1956 letter arrives from CQ, stating he is reunited with BM and that they want me back with them.

Are you still keeping up?

December 1956 Mr & Mrs CQ meet with Social services and state that they are reconciled and both wish to get me back, CQ is keen to adopt me and make a success of the marriage.
December 1956 letter to FP's stating the current position, both are very upset.
December 1956 Mr & Mrs CQ want me back before Xmas, the SS are reluctant to allow this as Mr & Mrs CQ are still waiting to move into proper army quarters. Mr & Mrs CQ are told they need to move into suitable accommodation before I will be allowed back.

April 1957 I was taken away from FP's who were distraught, and placed in Tunbridge Wells nursery in order to allow introductions with Mr & Mrs CQ, who did not turn up on the first date they were supposed to.
16th June 1957 first visit from Mr & Mrs CQ with me at Tunbridge.
29th June 1957 Mr & Mrs CQ took me home to Olney, Bedfordshire.

19th July 1957 letter arrives stating I have settled in well with BM and Mr CQ
(There appear to have been no or at least no recorded visits, by social services between June 1957 and February 1958)

November 1957 Baby girl born to Mr & Mrs CQ.

February 1958 letter arrives from BM stating she finds it hard with Me and her daughter, she now feels it was wrong to take me away from FP's.
March 1958 SS visit me and BM, they find me passive and unresponsive, pale, underweight and not interested in anything.
(There is a lot of medical and psychological info that I will not go into here)

April 1958 I am collected from BM's, who does not kiss me goodbye and is (according to the SS records) more concerned over what the neighbours will think.
May 1958 I am returned to FP's, initially SS were concerned because in the meantime FP's had adopted another boy 16 months younger than me. But visits show I progressed normally almost from the instant of being returned to FP's. In fact the records show that SS are completely amazed at my progress, fast weight gain, much more talkative and obviously enjoying being back with FP's.

September 1958 Case adoption committee approves application to adopt me from the FP's.
December 1958 visit arranged by SS with BM and husband, the records are unclear whether this actually happened or not.
January 1959 Adoption legalised by Wandsworth county court. Reading through the correspondence it appears the adoption hearing was not a clear cut affair and is unlikely that BM ever gave permission for the adoption. Although we have no evidence either way.


  1. Wow..
    I found this fascinating, and well done you for finding all this out.
    It is good that you were placed with foster parents that clearly loved you very much.
    Your birth mother sound like a very troubled lady, in fact she reminds me very much of someone my brother once got entangled with (and had a child with - although it took a DNA test to find out, as by her own admission the father could have been "one of at least three!!" She (I will call her G) had several abortions and two children taken into care by S Services before meeting my brother. They were together for six months - the end came when he found her in bed with (yet) another bloke!
    She had another two kids who ended up in care (strangley she kept J - the baby that turned out to be my nephew) and then married. Had two more kids she kept for a while, and then said she couln't cope and handed them over to Social..they were her and her husbands kids, but he agreed to them going, and they still kept J...neither of them ever worked a day in their life and they still live of benefits.
    J is now in his early 20's and is a drifter, or should I say waster!! But what can anyone expect with the upbringing he has had. Social were involved on several occasions when he was neglected, left alone for days and given the odd "heavy" thump every now and again..they always decided he was "better off" with his mother.My opinion is that he would almost certainly have been better off without her!!
    I am glad you have turned out as you have Jake..but I do fell sorry for you BM (and for G). I have no doubt that if we looked into THEIR upbringing it would be a sorry tale...
    Luv Steffy (Bag Lady)

  2. hmm, not a great conclusion.